Step-Parenting

I knew that being a step-mom wouldn't be easy, but I really had no idea.  Don't get me wrong, I loved those kids.  I wanted to do my best as a "parent", but every step of the way my hands were tied.  To start off, Rick had little influence on his kids.  While he was in the Navy, he was gone for months at a time.  Once out, he worked so much that again, he was gone a lot, so his wife did the vast majority of the "parenting" in the family.

So here we are.  In our house we have rules.  You will do your homework.  You will eat healthy meals.  You will clean your room and do chores around the house.  You will have a bedtime.  You will not sit in front of the tv all day, and you will go outside and play like normal children.  This was not popular.  When visiting their mother's house, or for that matter Rick's mom's house, there were no rules, and we were completely shot down.  We or rather I was mean to the point of abuse to the children.  Rick's ex and his mom felt that I was too harsh on the kids and was doing them harm.

When Rick and I got together, his children were horribly overweight, to the point of obesity.  It broke my heart that these beautiful children were so unhealthy.  I cooked them healthy food and encouraged them to play, not exercise, and within a year they were no longer overweight and were healthy children. Rick's mom however said that I was starving them.

I never disiplined the children, it was not my place and they knew it.  Rick worked and I was there with them all the time, and the two boys did whatever they could to torment me.  Most days ended for me in tears.  They would lie and we soon found out that they were stealing.  I wanted our family to work so badly, but all the cards were stacked against it.

One day I got a call from child protectice services that the children had been picked up from school and that Rick and I had to go and be interviewed by them about abuse allegations.  Rick's mom later admitted to calling them to "protect" the children.

Nothing came from it, other than the children going back to live with their mother,  Rick was interviewed by the police and they found no abuse, and therefor no charges were filed.  The case worker claimed that she would be interviewing people about the "abuse", however, she spoke to no one that we knew.  I was friends with most of the kids teachers and volunteered at the school, none of their teachers were interviewed.  In fact, when one of them tried to contact the case worker, she wouldn't speak to her, even though this woman knew all three children and taught two of them.  Now that is some good investigating.

When the kids left, it broke my husband's heart, but to be honest, it was somewhat of a relief.  I couldn't take the stress anymore.  I missed them, but they didn't want to live with us anymore, and turned their backs on their dad.  How could we compete with their mother, who would let them watch whatever they wanted on television, eat whatever they wanted, stay up as late as they wanted and let them come and go as they pleased.  They were kids, and mom's house was way more fun.  Within only months, they were all obese again,  And when Rick's oldest daughter was 15 she got pregnant.  One of the boys ended up moving out at 15 and lived with a friend to get away.  My soul aches for these kids.

About 2 months after they left, Rick was on the phone with his daughter and she was telling us how his mother was drunk again and screaming at everyone.  Her exact words were "we made our choice and I guess we just have to deal with it".  They never asked to come back and live with us, but on many occasions they mentioned how much better it had been at our house.

To this day, our relationship is still very strained, and I don't ever see it getting better.  Their grandma convinced them that I abused them, not physically, but in every other way, and that I was a horrible person.