Model Behavior

Since my adulthood, I have looked to women who I admire on how to be a mother.  My mom, my sister, my friend Jan, and another friend named Dawn are just a few.  These women are not "perfect" moms, but they love their kids and only want what is best for them.  On the other hand I have noticed a few people that I do not want to model my parenting after, and Rick's mother is one of them.

It is hard to describe this woman.  When Rick and I first started dating, she was so sweet and wonderful to me.  Rick's ex was horrible in her eyes and had nothing good to say about her, and I was the exact opposite.  She loved me.  That didn't last.  As soon as Rick and I got married and Rick no longer needed her to help him with the kids, things started changing.  Little things at first, but soon it was out of control.  I never really liked the way that she treated Rick, but I didn't say anything, because it was his mom and I didn't have any right to butt in.  However, when she started in on me, I wouldn't put up with it, and neither did Rick.

She never supported Rick.  When he got a really good job, she couldn't even say congratulations.  If we told her that the kids needed to be home by 8 so that they could shower and get to sleep for school in the morning, we were lucky if they were home by 10.  No matter what we said, she ignored and did what she pleased when it came to the kids.  She would buy them toys that she wouldn't allow them to take home.

I finally drew the line when she was in my home an called me a liar and a thief.  I'll not get into the long story of why, but it wasn't true.  I told Rick that I would never say that his mother wasn't welcome in our home, but that I wouldn't be around when she came over.  He said that he would never ask me to leave our house because of her.  I said that I wouldn't ask him to choose between her and I, and he said that he already did, when we got married.

Rick walked away from his mom.  She has only seen Olivia a couple of times and has never seen Madeline.

I could never imagine treating one of my children the way that she treated Rick.  Nothing that he ever did was good enough for him and she made sure that he knew it.  When Rick and his ex went back to court over custody of the kids, Rick's mother paid the attourney for his ex and sat with her in court.  I don't think that he can forgive her for that.

Rick receintly heard that his mother left her abusive alcoholic husband (not Rick's dad), quit her job as a teacher and moved to the hill country.  He never talks about her that I don't still see the pain in his eyes.  She really hurt him.