I've Been There Too

After playing pool and talking, I finally asked why Rick was in Pearsall.  His answer broke my heart.

He left his wife after learning that she was cheating on him with pretty much anyone and everyone, including who he thought was his best friend.  He grabbed a few clothes, the three oldest kids and left.  He went to his mother's house and tried to figure out what to do.  Soon, he decided that he needed to talk to someone because he was becoming depressed.  He started seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist.  They were helping, but with the added stress of his mom and step-dad, along with the head games that his wife was playing on him, he soon got to the point of what he felt was no return.  He was taking a walk one evening and decided that it would be much better if he just stepped into traffic and ended it all.  He couldn't take the pain anymore and wanted to die.  Luckily, he called his doctor and told him that he was going to hurt himself and the doctor found him a room at a mental health facility in Pearsall.  He could come and go as he pleased, but had to be there at certain times for check-in and for medications and doctor appointments.

He was at the lowest that he had ever felt and needed a friend, and he thought of me.  He looked my parents number up on the internet and gave it a shot.

Over time, I realized what an emotional train wreck he really was, because I had been there too, and knew how he felt.  I knew that I still loved him from the second I heard his voice, but I was so afraid that in his fragil condition, nothing good would come from too quick of a relationship.  Well, that worked about as well as most other plans I have made in my life.  A month and a half later we were living together.  I know that it is a sin, and I have begged God's forgiveness for it.  At the time, Rick needed me and his kids needed me.  I know it's not an excuse, but it is what it is.  My life is one huge sin after the next, and that is why I am so lucky that when I realize how stupid I am and am sorry, God forgives me, even when I can't forgive myself.

I helped Rick with his divorce, and his soon to be ex-wife made our lives as horrible as possible.  She is an alcoholic who thrives on chaos, and wants to spread the drama around.  It was so difficult at times to not just go ballistic on her, but I tried to respect the fact that she was the mother of the Rick's kids, and we never spoke negatively about her around the kids, even though she trashed me on a daily basis.  Oh well, I lived through it, and it made me a better person for it.  My skin definately got a lot thicker through all this.