Signing the papers

I always thought that signing all the paperwork to buy a car was a long drawn out process, I was wrong. Signing adoption papers is unbelievably horrible. There are only about 100 pages that have to be read then signed and initialed on EVERY page. Just when you know that you can't take any more, there is more. It seemed to take forever to finish, and when we were finally done I was dehydrated from crying so much and completely exhausted.

I went home and collapsed and knew that soon, R. and J. would be calling. I was so scared and nervous. I had no idea what to say to the people that I was hoping would adopt my child. How do you ask someone to take your "mistake"? What do you say to someone who you desperately need to raise your child? I couldn't even breath thinking about how the conversation would go. What if I said something stupid? What if I said something that offended them and they decided that they didn't want my baby? What if they hated me? The what ifs were eating me alive.