Now that the initial phone call was made, and Ryan was with a foster mom, all I had to do was wait. Wait to meet R. and J. for the first time and see if they did in fact want to adopt Ryan. Wait for the time to run out and Ray be taken to court and his parental rights terminated. Wait to see if my dad would ever speak to me again. Wait to find out if I would ever want to breathe again. Wait to see if I would eventually take my own life.
The depression was at it's worst and I could barely function. If it required more effort than breathing, I didn't have the strength to do it. Something had to happen or I was going to just stop living. I have never been a place so dark, so cold, so alone. I pray that I am never there again.
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