The Finalization

Six months had passed since Ryan went home and life was getting somewhat easier.  I had relearned how to walk again and I was able to drive.  I was still struggling with common everyday tasks, but I was learning how to deal with my disability.

I got a call from the agency that the finalization date had been set for the adoption, and was asked if I wanted to come to court.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't have the judge look at me the way so many others did.  It's hard to describe, but that look people gave me when they found out that I had placed a child for adoption was worse than getting slapped in the face, so judgmental.  I figured it would be best if I didn't go, I just didn't need that again.

A couple of days before the court date the agency called and said that R. and J. wanted to go out to eat with me after court to celebrate, this I could do.  It meant that I could see Ryan again and maybe even hold him one last time.  Immediately, mom said that she wanted to go and see everyone, then to my shock and amazement, my dad said that he wanted to come too.  I couldn't understand.  To this point he wouldn't mention Ryan's name and refused to look at any picture, but now he wanted to come and see Ryan for the first time and meet R. and J.  I was blown away.

We picked a restaurant that had been a favorite of mine for years, a little Greek deli, that a dear friend owned and decided on a time.

It was awesome.  Seeing Ryan healed my heart in so many ways.  He was so handsome, and so big, and happy.  I could see how much R. and J. adored him, and their family was beautiful.  Looking at them, you would never know that Ryan was not their biological child.  Mom held him, and I held him and at one point, Dad even held him.  It was really good.  I guess dad just needed time to figure all this stuff out for himself, that is the way that men work I guess.

We took picture and talked and laughed and it was a wonderful day.