My fight was finally gone

After what seem like an argument that went on for ever, in a rage I stormed out of the house and walked the 1/2 block to a local gas station to calm down. After a while I walked back and there was Ray standing in the drive way leaning on my car.

"Where did you go?" Ray asked

"Lou's, I don't want to talk any more."

"Did you call the cops on me?"

"What does it really matter, now, will you move so I can leave?"

At this point Ray grabbed me from behind, put his arm around my neck with the crook of his elbow over my wind pipe, and started to strangle me.

"If you called the cops you stupid bitch, I will wait until they get here and break your neck in front of them so I have a reason to go to jail."

I had no fight left in me at all. I was tired of fighting and I was ready to go. It was at that moment that I realized how far from God I had allowed myself to wander. I had no relationship with Him and I knew that when I died he would reject me the same way that I had rejected him, and I deserved nothing more. I was starting to get tunnel vision and my knees were buckling when he finally let go and let me fall to the ground. I laid there for what seemed like forever, scared to get up, too weak even if I had wanted to. Ray had gone in the house and apparently didn't really care what happened to me. I just cried and cried as I lay in a heap in the driveway, and I knew that if I stayed with him, eventually, he would kill me.

Finally I got up and got in my car and drove to my parent's house. I sat at the table and cried to my mom who had heard this all before, and I'm sure by this point she was as tired of me and my problems as I was. She knew I would go back, I always did. She saw the addiction and was worn out by it. As with any addict, you have to want to get well, and up to this point all I wanted was Ray.