BTBA

I can't believe that I have a son. That thought just kept running through my mind over and over. I was scared to death. I had no idea how he was, what was happening to him, and why no one would tell me what was going on.

Earlier in the day, I had noticed that on the top of my chart, the letters BTBA were written in bold letters in marker. After the birth, and I was in my room, I asked a nurse and she explained that it meant Baby To Be Adopted. Everything became very clear. They didn't care about me and how I was. Hell, it took 10-30 minutes before they would even answer the call button. At one point my IV blew and my arm started swelling from all the fluid just streaming under the skin. No one came. Eventually, after it started hurting so bad I couldn't take it any more, I just pulled it myself, and threw it on the floor.

I had never felt so horrible in my life, and these people were doing all they could to make me feel worse. Job accomplished.

I immediately started asking to see the baby, and the nurse explained that he had inhaled myconium and needed a little time to get breathing well on his own. I waited for a while and pressed the call button and asked to be taken to see the baby. I needed a wheel chair because I couldn't walk at this point. She said over the little intercom that someone would be with me shortly. No one came. I rang again and again and again, all night long, but no one ever came. The woman that I shared a room with had her baby delivered to her every 2 hours to nurse, but when I asked to see my son, the nurse would say that someone would be with me shortly. I cried all night.

Finally at about 5 am I couldn't take any more and started yelling. Strangely, people in hospitals start running the second you scream. They tried to pull the someone will be here shortly and I just told them that I would continue to yell until a wheel chair showed up. Amazingly, there was someone there with a chair in about 30 seconds.

I was going to see my son.