Movement

I still couldn't believe I was pregnant. I didn't look pregnant and I didn't feel pregnant. The horrible thing was that I never felt the baby move. No doctor ever told me this, but I'm sure that all the meds I took basically kept that tiny little person sedated all the time, and that terrified me. My OBYN was an horrible doctor. He treated me like some bug he scrapped off his shoe and rarely even spoke to me. He was concerned about the baby and sent me to the hospital for tests. They hooked me up to monitors and then made me drink juice and lay on my side, and finally, after what seemed like forever, the baby moved. I wanted to cry, but by this time, I don't think that I had any more tears left. I couldn't believe what I had done. It finally became very real. There was a little person inside me, and I had done good for this child, I had only abused it with alcohol, prescription drugs and neglect.

I wanted to die.